Discerning the Lord's call in our lives is the most important task of our existence. The monastic vocation is one among many of the various vocations God places in the hearts of those created in His image. It is our duty to do all we can to follow the Lord's will in our lives. And we find the greatest fulfillment when we are doing this. The following questions and answers can be helpful guides in the search to answer the ultimate question, "Lord what do you want me to do? What do you want me to be?"
How do I know if God is wants me to be a monk?
This question can only be answered through another question: have you seriously sought the answer to that question? The same principles that apply to other aspects of life can be applied to the initial discernment of monastic life. Imagine a person is looking for a pair of shoes to wear on a daily basis. It would be foolish for him to buy them without trying them on to find out if they are a good fit. The same principle can be used for exploring religious life. A desire or even a simple curiosity about Monasticism (like visiting this web page) might be the initial "spark". From that point a person can begin the steps to find out if monastic life is right for him.
Firstly, one can contact the Vocations Director and discuss questions and concerns about life as a monk. The Vocation Director is not a recruiter; he understands that the goal is to seek and find the will of God in your life, not the will of the Monastery - this is his goal. The initial contact is to find out if you have the qualifications for serious discernment of the monastic life. Returning to the shoes motif, this is like finding out what the cost of the footwear will be and how to pay for them.
The next step is the first major step in answering the question "Lord, what do you want me to do?" If it is discovered that you might have a vocation to Monastic life in our community, the Vocation Director will invite you to make a visit to the Monastery. This might be through in-person interviews, monastic "come and see" opportunities, or Monastic retreat experiences. During these visits, one "tries on" the Monastic life. If a person takes these experiences seriously, growth in his relationship with God will always be the result, even if his discernment does not lead him to Monastic life. If the experiences reveal that you find peace, beauty and a sense of belonging in the Monastery - then inklings of a positive answer to the question, "Does God want me to become a monk?" become more of a reality for you.
What if I feel attracted to life in a Monastery (it looks very peaceful), but don't like the demands Monastic life?
It ultimately depends on if you want to do God's will in your life or simply pursue what you want to do. The truth is that we all have free will, but it is only through following the will of your Creator that you will find true happiness in your life. This is why the experience of Monastic life is so important. Often, fears or misgivings about certain aspects of religious life are alleviated in the experience that is offered through "come and see" opportunities or Monastic retreats. This does not mean that life following the will of God is always easy regardless of the vocation, but the labor itself is often a means through which a person's love for God and the resolve to follow His will is tested, purified, and strengthened. If a person does not try something when the opportunity arises, he will never know if it really is for him or not. If we feel attracted to the possibility of Monastic life, we need not approach it with fear, but with confidence in the Lord's providence because He will provide the grace necessary to deal with the difficulties or weaknesses we have. When it comes to seeking the will of God and all that it entails, it is important not to neglect God’s calling.
I like Monastic life. I feel attracted to it, but I am not a holy person. Is this a sign that it isn't for me?
If you have a healthy understanding of what holiness is, the answer is no! In reality no one is truly holy without reliance on the grace of God and this is the key to living a God-centered, happy and peaceful life. No matter what vocation God gives a person, it is a means of strengthening the relationship with Him. In Monastic life, the members of the community live together with the understanding that as brothers they support, encourage and guide one another in seeking to hear and respond to the voice of God. On a basic level holiness can be described as a loving reliance on God in order to have the strength and courage to do His will. If a person comes to believe that it is God's will for him to discern Monastic life, he is obliged to do so regardless of his own "evaluation" of his spiritual state. However, this does not mean that someone whose life is devoid of any expression of faith in God should suddenly come to the Monastery with his suitcase in hand. No one comes to the monastery that way. It can mean that such a person should pursue the tools of prayer, sacrament, the Word of God and good works as well as the guidance of his pastor or a spiritual director to heighten his awareness of God's voice in his life. All of us must keep in mind that God's grace at work in us can surpass the limits of what we think we are capable of. So we must not allow our own self-doubts to interfere with God's plan for us.
Should I put this off and experience life more before I make a commitment to begin the stages of initial discernment?
The answer to that question is not a "yes" or "no". This might be the case for a younger person, but even then, being in contact with the vocation director, a pastor or someone with a solid Catholic spiritual life can help a person find out if his maturity level is solid enough to commit himself to seriously discerning religious life. It all depends on the personality, experience level, maturity and situation of the person.
I have college debts and I feel that the Lord is calling me to Monastic life. What should I do?
As with anyone interested in religious life, it is important to first pray about it. Then speak to someone such as a pastor, spiritual director or even a vocation director about the inner desire or attraction you feel for a life dedicated to God through the vows. There are a number of ways to alleviate or work through the debts. First of all consider your own means. Selling one's assets such as an automobile or other property is a possibility. Think of the parable of the Prodigal Son, but in a positive way. If this is truly God's call for you, and your parents plan on leaving something for you as an inheritance, asking it from them early so that you can dedicate yourself to what you believe God is calling you to is anything but a selfish thing to do. If your parents are open to this, it could also be a testimony to the degree of seriousness you give to your discernment.
Another possibility is asking your parish for help. Sometimes pastors and parishioners understand the needs of the Church and are very generous in offering aid, especially when it comes to supporting future clergy or religious from their own community. There are also a few organizations such as Ecclesia Mater and the Laboure Society that offer support, aid and creative ideas for people entering seminaries or religious communities that have outstanding debts. Other associations like the Knights of Columbus might be able to offer some help in this as well.
No matter what, if you feel God is calling you to religious life, the worst thing to do us put it off. There have been a number of people who have delayed taking the important steps in beginning the discernment process because they did not explore the possibilities available for paying off debts. If this is God's call for you, it is vital that you don't allow pride to keep you from asking for help in doing God's will. The support is available because Christ's Church is made up of members who are called to support one another.
I have a close relationship with my family and friends. What if I'm afraid to separate from them?
Life as a monk in our community does not impose a complete separation from one's family and acquaintances. The support of loved ones can be very helpful for someone experiencing the changes that come with living in a religious community. Beginning the initial stages of formation, including postulancy and novitiate, requires an extended time away from family and friends (especially for those who originally resided in areas that are far away from the monastery). However, visits from family and friends can be arranged and the use of postal mail, email and phone calls are ways that someone in formation can maintain contact with them. After vows are professed, each monk has time allotted each year to spend away from the Monastery that can be used to be with loved ones. Also, keep in mind that as one goes through formation and vowed life in the Monastery, the community members are not just there as co-workers, but they also become companions who work together in the "school of the Lord's service".